Surrender and Response

I met with my spiritual director today for the first time since May. For those of you asking, “What in the world is a spiritual director,” it is simply a priest with whom I meet regularly to discuss what is going on in my life from a spiritual perspective. Let’s face it; even though we are bombarded with messages telling us not to be concerned with anything outside the radius of our own personal space, there is a higher connectedness in life that we will never fully understand.

And whatever you want to call that higher power is fine with me. Hell, you may think there is no higher power and that this is all a crap shoot. Beautiful. It just so happens that I recognize a power much grander than little ‘ol me and I choose to call it God. Don’t hate the playah, hate the game. On with the story.

During one of our talks a few months back, I confided in this priest how scared I was about making this decision and he asked me if I had ever chosen to look at this as an adventure, a journey that I get to take. Needless to say, that changed a lot of views for me.

So, when we met again after a two month hiatus, I was happy to say that I am now on this adventure and really enjoying it despite the everyday fear that creeps in and tries to shake me. And while we kicked around the idea of discerning a greater calling in life and striking a balance between all of life’s aspects, we came to the idea of Surrender and Response.

Simply put, Surrender and Response is about striking a balance between getting quiet and doing something. The first part deals with us turning ourselves over to that higher power and taps our inner voice to help us know what feels in tune with our inner desire of living a full life. The second part deals with us actively seeking those answers in the world around us by talking with others, getting involved in our passions and doing what we can to ensure we pull our weight.

I am great at the response part of things. I broadcast to the world that I am lost and searching. I am proud of my current wandering even to the point of spilling it out for the world to read. And I am a sucker for all of the self-assessment, skills tests, and every similar manor of inquiry I find on the internet. Just check out the ‘Tweak Your Life’ links on the sidebar. I am comfortable with response. One might even assert that writing about this is a response.

Growth for me occurs in the surrender; in the not-doing. And given my penchant for scheduling way more than one person should do on any given day, I think it is fair to say I am horrible at it. I find it difficult to sit still in this sensory-overload age of cell phones, instant messaging, e-mail and Blackberries. The idea of getting away from it all seems as extinct as the dinosaurs. But surrender is necessary; vital even.

I am trying to get more comfortable with surrender. My spiritual director even invited me to take a 3 day rest from my usual intake of information. “No internet, no phone, no articles, nothing,” he said. “Just take three days, a notebook and a pen and write anything and everything that comes to mind. Doesn’t matter the topic, doesn’t matter the length or quality. Just put it out there instead of always taking in.”

Good Lord. He might as well have asked for world peace. But I am going to give it a shot once this play is over, which will be the end of August. Three days, me, a pen and a notebook.

Riiiight.