Hand Analysis - An Update

I had my first session with the hand analyst tonight and it is really freaky how much this woman could tell about me without us ever having met. Granted, much of what she had to say was not a surprise. They were truths and other ugly things about me that I have known, on some level, and have skirted around because, well, it was just too damn hard to do anything about them. But it never hurts to hear these things from someone that can’t even pick me out of a lineup, right? So my best bet is to face the music.

I’m not going to go into too much detail of what she told me mainly because that is for me and her and I don’t want to possibly skew any of you who may be interested in this for yourself. What I will tell you is that I have four major fears in life to work through:

1 – That asking for what I need in any given moment will lead to chaos.
2 – That stating how I am feeling will lead to some degree of annihilation.
3 – That taking the time to ask for what I want will result in my looking stupid.
4 – That stating what I need or want will elicit a bad reaction.

Pretty cut and dry, huh? Those four things are the 800 pound gorillas in my path that I must do something about in order to find my greatest fulfillment.

Some of you may be thinking, “Hell, screw what anyone thinks about you and get what you want and need and just say how you feel no matter what.” I wish it were that easy for me and I am on my way to doing something about it. Already I can feel a difference in my approach to life and it’s only been a week.

Again, without getting too detailed in to my conversations with Roberta, I will tell you that this latest experience and connection with something much larger than me is hitting at the right time. And as scary as it is, I feel the more open I am to facing my monumental fear of failure, the more profound the impact of my recent spiritual encounters.

I still have two sessions with the hand analyst and I must pour over our first conversation before we talk again in a few weeks. The hardest thing for me right now is to not try and figure out how this, the possible community center position and the rest of my life are all connected. I’m looking forward; trying to connect the dots before they’ve had a chance to fall into place. I need to stop that and just let it unfold.