Pick A Card, Any Card...

I love introspection, almost to a fault. I’ll look at just about anything as a possible metaphor for life or as a way to glean learning in some form. Yes, sometimes I’m trying too hard and I catch myself before going too Forrest Gump on people. “No,” I tell myself, “eating an ice cream cone is not like life.” Unless, of course, it’s Neapolitan ice cream. You see where I could go with this.

And it is with this seeker’s desire, and a grain of salt, that I had a tarot card reading around the question of meaning for this twisted, painful, uncomfortable and currently-nonsensical path on which I currently find myself. Having taken the fateful leap which started this epic journey, I keep finding myself with choices, paradoxes and polarities in front of me. I feel I am a lot closer to finding that which I am seeking. Simultaneously I feel I have an even larger and blanker canvass in front of me in the wake of my break up with Brighid. There exists the great possibility of working here in Chicago with MKP. At the same time lies the potential of putting life here on hold and going to Jamaica for the next 4 to 5 months to work with the poor.

Many possibilities.
Lots of wonder.
A ton of hope.
A mountain of pain, fear and discomfort.
Zero understanding of it all.

I like to think that it cannot get any crazier than it is right now but there are fewer and fewer sure bets these days. With that in mind, and with the feeling that I am in no position to naysay anything, I turned to the cards and this is what they had for me:

My state right now is one of creativity and I should remain open to what can be expressed through me. My resistance is in letting go, free falling and trusting my heart, which will start pounding as soon as the fall begins, will lead me. My response to this fear of letting go is to leap from the cage, spread my wings and learn to fly and thereby gain understanding. My intuition at this time will be to compromise, to do enough without necessarily going all out and thereby short changing myself in an underhanded way. The support I need to get past that is to examine my past tendencies, choices and patterns because change will come from seeing what I’ve done that has not worked and choosing differently. The opportunity for that comes from getting quiet and embracing silence. The final result of all of this will be the realization of a hard won truth, a fuller understanding of myself and living according to my own true nature.

It was so much easier when I was focused on that ice cream cone.