Superunknown...

For some of you, that title harkens back to the good ‘ol days of grunge music and the pivotal band Soundgarden. Others will no doubt race to a dictionary to see if ‘superunknown’ is a real word. Let me save you the trouble: it’s not.

I’m not comfortable with the unknown but then again, who is? Besides, what real guarantees are there anyway? Few. I have mentioned in the past that I used to be more comfortable with the unknown; was more willing to fly by the seat of my pants and make things up as I went along but those days are gone, my friend. Somewhere along the way maturity and responsibility came home to roost and I have become less willing to press my bets on the craps table of life. No biggie, it happens.

I have always been taught that a good map will always get me where I want to go and having laid out a map for my life and started to follow it, I feel I have arrived at some of my original destinations only to be disappointed by them, kind of like a trip to Los Angeles, and therefore needed a new heading to which I align my compass. That, of course, explains the existence of this blog, no?

The longer I dance with the job/calling beast, the more comfortable I become with its uncertainty, however the stakes feel heightened as a result of my recent break up. An ever-present feeling of having been dropped, and therefore needing to scramble, permeates my days and nights and most often manifests as sleep deprivation (check out the time stamp at the end of this post). Compound that with the unknown of my future plans (Jamaica? Chicago? Stay? Go?) and a sincerely paralyzing effect begins to set in; the paralysis of the superunknown.

This dance is not for the faint of heart, folks. And the fact that every now and then I feel a searing pain in my chest right around where my heart is supposed to be has me wondering if I backed the wrong horse and am in for some unpleasant truth when this race is done. If you are just joining us, you’ve picked a good time to do it. Things are about to get interesting.

And for as good as it feels to get this out there, I feel like I'm forcing this one. Of course, it is 3 AM so you really can't blame me.