God's Calling An Audible...

For those of you who don’t know me too well, I’m a fairly organized and structured person. Of course that’s like saying Bill Gates is pretty well off. I am über organized – my spreadsheets have spreadsheets and my shirts are grouped by color in my closet.

But it wasn’t always this way. There was a time when I carried not an ounce of organization or responsibility. It was called college and the years immediately thereafter, but that’s neither here nor there.

The point is, using the metaphor of a pendulum; I was swung out to the far right side of my brain and somewhere around the age of 25 the pendulum began falling and moving toward an extreme left brain position. When I first moved to Chicago in June of ’98 I had developed a lifestyle that comprised having no security, no plan, a ton of credit card debt, no job and hardly a place to live, but I was certain that everything would work out. Six years ago something changed and since then I have methodically developed the capacity of being more grounded, disciplined, structured and strategic.

So here I am, a reasonably good Catholic in the middle of Lent and not quite sure why my yearly self-denial feels too easy, lacks a substantial stretch and feels more like a nuisance than a chance to grow spiritually. What I have discovered is that indulgence and cutting myself some slack frightens me. I equate it with the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants years and do not want to lose the maturity and grounding I’ve crafted day in and day out. Yet that is where the stretch is for me now. This adventure I’ve started revolves around my passions and it’s hard to get in touch with that heart-centered place when so much is dictated by the brain. That pendulum needs to hover more around the center; it has spent too much time in the extremes.

So I’m giving up denial for Lent. My spiritual growth lies in having fun, not planning and indulging myself. Who knew the key to finding passion is not in a book or personal growth activity? It simply exists in having that extra piece of chocolate cake.

And For My Next Trick...

Ten days ago we had a retreat for the Board of Directors of Cheryl’s Dreaming Big, the non-profit Brighid started in ‘04. Along with the team building and group-engendering exercises was talk of our involvement in an upcoming city-wide arts festival. It focuses around disability in the arts and since mental illness is considered a disability, it is appropriate that we participate with the theatre component of our programming.

This is no small task; it’s not like we are just doing one or two shows and calling it a run. To kickoff our part in the festival, we are hosting an opening night benefit complete with catered food, drinks, desserts, decorations, nice clothes and maybe a swanky song or two playing in the background. (At least this is the general idea as of right now.) In all, almost 20 people comprise five or six different teams and together are going to pull this whole ting off and guess who’s coordinating it all?

No, not Brighid.

Me.

Truth be told, it’s not that far removed from the Community Center gig – orchestrating a large project with definite deadlines and objectives. The big difference now is that I am working with people to get it done rather than doing 90% of myself and that feels great.

Over the last three weeks I feel like I have not had much to write about with regard to this blog and the reasons I started it. The feedback that I’m getting from many of you is that you enjoy reading about the adventure, have become inspired to take action in your own lives and can relate to much of what I’m learning. All of that spurs me on but simultaneously, I’m thinking I may close shop here for the simple fact that I’m not really planting any flags, with respect to those who have come before me. Right now, I’m just focusing on doing a good job with this festival and applying what I learned from my last job.

That is, of course, one of the truest tests of life – learning from experience so as to not make the same mistakes twice.

(See what I mean about not planting flags? It’s not like I’m the first person that has ever said that.)